She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
