Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
