After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
