Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
