I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
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Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
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It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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