He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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