farters have to be the big spoon...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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