Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
