I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
