i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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