My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
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i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
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We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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