none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
