Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
