there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize