I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
