i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
