i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
