'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize