erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
my god I love twenty year old dicks
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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