i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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