Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
