Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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