You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
