i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
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if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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