Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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