coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
