Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i barfeds in our rink
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
