I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
