i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
