my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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