The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
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He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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