puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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