Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
A bitchslap is in order.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
