apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
