Where is the hickey?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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