He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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