Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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