dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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