So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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