What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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