Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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