youre lurking in front of me
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
