She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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