Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize