Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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