Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
