the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
