I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
