I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
