3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize