she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
