well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
