Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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