Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
