Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just found puke in my bra..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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