holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
