i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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