Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
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I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
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I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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