How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
