OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
