If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
