I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
