You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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