Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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