doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
