I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
