k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
