Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
