he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
