but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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