captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize