She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
