she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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