weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
