life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
