this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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